The Truth Behind Global Warming At Long Last

.....Don't blame me, it was the dog! Yeah, I'm guilty of passing the buck onto a scapegoat pooch when I fart in the company of hot young women. Who hasn't? Now, however, a few scientists are saying our pets are the real carbon violators behind global warming by stating a medium sized dog has a carbon footprint twice that of an SUV. Holy shit! They claim it takes over two acres of land to produce the average diet of such a dog. On average, these shit machines consume 360 pounds of meat and 209 pounds of cereal per year. Now I'm starting to fear for my own existence, because I shovel down a helluva lot more than that AND I drive a car that doesn't get the greatest mileage in the world. ( Although, in my defense, I have invented a device that would allow an electric car to travel indefinitely without needing to recharge, but no one wants me to produce it. I wonder why?) As the global warming boogeyman turns it's ever accusing finger in my direction as a dog owner, I really only have one thing to say..... Go fuck yourself Al Gore! No...wait, I did want to say that, but what I really meant to say was....GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!

The douche bags who are playing this blame game are jetting across the globe spewing jet fuel in all directions to get their message of doom to the masses when they could have just stayed home and sent a mass email instead. Why should we pay heed to what a bunch of asinine intellectuals in Copenhagen have to say when they continually blow resources on superfluous projects that continually wreak havoc on the world? Want to know what caused all the big El Nino trouble in the 90's? It was SDI space based laser weapons being used to conduct weather experiments by NOAA, NASA, and the rest of the U.S. government.

Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, Al Gore, the fat liar from Tennessee, used the odd weather patterns to launch his evil bid to make billions by coining the phrase Global Warming and making a movie to prove it. The only thing it proved is the Nobel committee is made up of really gullible idiots. Gore deserved his prize about as much as Obama did, which is not at all. All of this is merely a ruse to get an evil agenda passed onto the people of the Earth. They want a single world government and the ability to control people right down to how many children we can have. I say we start by chucking all of the climate cult doomsayers into a boat and setting them adrift. They are polluting the atmosphere will billions of cubic miles of bull shit...and we all know bull shit is full of green house gases.

I'm not saying we don't need to change a few things to make the world a better place. On the contrary, I wouldn't have spent countless hours developing green energy devices otherwise. I simply think we need to step back and take a look at the bigger picture. Who's profiting from the global warming scare? Al Gore and friends. They sell carbon credits to people who have guilty consciences over their so-called carbon foot prints. I started taking shits outside to show my displeasure with Mr. Gore's insane deception. Can you smell my green house gases Al? I baked those brownies just for you buddy. I am proof global warming is bull shit. I sent an email to the White House, home of lying-ass President Barack Obamamama about my invention and asking for help refining the technology. The response I got told me everything I needed to know about the government's commitment to improving the environment: Not Interested. It read something like this: Thank you for your recent email. At this time we are not interested in pursuing such technology, but we thank you for taking the time to write about your concerns. Translation? Fuck you very much, but the kickbacks we get from the oil industry make our efforts to help one such as you who could put them out of business overnight an effort to shoot ourselves in the foot and we damn sure don't want to do that! It's no wonder the world is so screwed up.

I am continuing my effort to produce my device on my own, but lacking the scientific equipment to test it's safe usage, I'm afraid to simply market it. I'm being honest about it when I say I intend to market it. Hell, why shouldn't I make a few bucks off global warming, too? At least my invention will actually help the environment. Can Al Gore honestly say the same?

Football Play Sparks Racial Riot On Internet

Today, Carolina's Dante Wesley was ejected from a football game for taking a cheap shot at Tampa's Clifton Smith during a punt return. Smith, having signaled for a fair catch, was bulldozed by an airborne Wesley and later determined to have suffered a concussion. The officials ejected Wesley after breaking up the fight that ensued on field between the two teams. But that's not the most interesting part of this story, the racial riot on Yahoo has been far more entertaining. Which leads me to say, once again, GIMME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!!

What the hell turned a cheap shot on the gridiron into a cyberspace race war? First of all, both players involved in the debacle were black. What gives? For some reason, I could not pull up the initial comments made on the subject, so I do NOT know who threw the first racist punch. Both sides were throwing recriminations to the wind and things were only getting worse when I joined the fray. It's a damn football game, folks, calm down.

Ironically, pouring through the 1200 plus comments, I found both the worst, and the best, of the human spirit represented. One black lady quoted an eloquent remark she'd heard on a TV show: "We ain't what we should be, we ain't what we're going to be, but at least we ain't what we was." I found that remark both poignant and inspirational, not only for black people, but all of humanity.

There were equally discouraging remarks made by people from all walks of life and educational levels, as well. As such, another man pointed out a double-standard that has been forced upon whites. While I normally don't encourage the use of the 'N' word, I have said it myself out of anger and ignorance in the past. I find it perversely despicable that blacks use it as an affectation of solidarity and fellowship. That's why I couldn't understand why the word was suspiciously invisible on the forum while remarks of 'cracker' were everywhere. Is it just me, or did racism become an exclusively white club while I wasn't looking? I know more than my fair share of black bigots, so why are they treated as victims and whites as villains? I find myself being discriminated against daily, not for the color of my skin (I am of mixed heritage), but because I have a criminal record. Clearly, paranoia agents are everywhere, not just in the pigmentation of our flesh.

Wouldn't it be nice to wake up in a world where we had all set aside our petty differences? Sadly, that will never be the case. Mankind has not evolved enough to take the next step. We have proven, again and again, we are, at heart, wild savages capable of the most horrific acts of cruelty over trivial matters like race, sex, religion, politics, and especially, sports.

Monsterz Ball

Okay. It's mid-October. You know what that means. Yep. Every network is knocking the dust off of every monster movie you've ever heard of, including one guaranteed to give you the freakie shites for life: Trilogy Of Terror. I don't know if you've seen this little nugget or not, but it has genuinely freaked out millions of people, myself included. Hell, you should see how it effects my ex-wife. I can do that little Ya-ya-ya-ya! scream perfectly and, combine that with rattling knobs and swiping a steak knife under the door....well, she doesn't stop screaming 'til the sedatives kick in. Yeah, this movie definitely ranks very high on my fright factor film list, along with the original Salem's Lot with that spooky, blue, bald, buck-toothed vampire, John Carpenter's The Thing, and The Howling. There was also an episode of Tales From The Dark Side that featured a little monster under the bed and in the closet that looked kind of like an E.T. from Hell that had me leaping into my bed from the light switch for years...... Ahem. Getting back to my subject, though: The Zuni Fetish Doll. .......Is it just me, or does this dude look like Ronnie James Dio?



Seriously....dare to compare. You'll know for the first time, if he's evil, or divine.



Am I right, or what? Don't get me wrong, I love Dio's music. I've bought it all, even the ELF stuff and Angry Machines, so don't think I'm busting the man's proverbial balls....I'm not. I'm just saying, they have a passing resemblance. ......And he IS rather short... Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back under the blanket on my bed before the sun goes down. Oh, that's right...that doesn't keep the monsters at bay, either. THANKS A LOT CREATORS OF 'THE BOY WHO CRIED WEREWOLF'!!!!

BANG! ZOOM! To The Moon!

NASA has made it's intentions public to detonate a bomb laden missile on the southern pole of the moon this Friday in an attempt to find water. What's wrong with this picture? Humans, already over harvesting resources here on Earth to the point of causing major climactic changes, have become so bored they now want to do something equally as stupid and threatening to our neighbor Luna......GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!!

This has all the ear marks of a science fiction horror movie. First of all....bombs, bad. Have they done any core drilling to find out precisely what is under the surface of Luna? No. There is going to be a plume of debris jettisoned into space from the blast. If it escapes Luna's gravity, and in all likelihood it will, guess where it will make landfall? Has anyone stopped to consider there might be micro-organisms in that cloud that could possibly wipe out life on Earth? No. We're talking about NASA after all, the people who spend billions of our tax dollars so egg-headed nerds without a lick of common sense can play in their sandbox in the sky.

What has all their research yielded us? Space underwear, for starts. You heard me. A Japanese astronaut created underwear to keep him from getting stinky in space. That's about the only practical application I've heard of. But for me, there are a lot of 'what ifs' they need to address before following through with this plan.

What if their bombs shift Luna's rotation? If the moon starts spinning faster than it does, it will have a direct effect on it's gravitational pull which, in turn, will have a direct bearing on our own gravity and wreak unholy hell on the tides.

What if it causes a shift in the moon's orbit? Does anyone know how important the moon's role is in connection with the Earth? We're back to tidal forces again: The moon has a direct influence on the oceanic tides. If the moon comes closer to the Earth, it will spell disaster. Global coastal flooding on a daily basis will ensue. Countless acres of land will be lost and millions of homes and businesses will be destroyed.

What if the bombs strike a fault line and tears the moon apart? Do any of us want a city-sized chunk of moon rock landing here on Earth? Can you say catastrophe? I knew you could. It would trigger a mass extinction event which would most likely kill off humanity. Score one for the doomsayers. I don't want the premise of H.G. Well's The Time Machine to come to fruition. Spare me the Morlocs, please.

What if they rain down a new type of super-virus? Scientists have discovered asteroids that crash landed here eons ago which had microscopic life embedded in them. Do we really need another black plague? Which leads me to the far-fetched.....

What if they disturb an advanced alien race living subterraneously on the moon? What if those bombs piss them off? Who's to say they won't fly over here and open up a jumbo sized can of whoop ass on Mother Earth? As ridiculous as the notion is, I've gotten to the point of thinking nothing is impossible. Hell, even scientists say bumblebees shouldn't be able to fly, given the improbable relation to their mass versus their wing area......but the bumblebee doesn't know that.

Given what we already know of NASA's past blunders.....SDI lasers used to melt polar ice to gauge the effect on global weather patterns, or using the same to super heat water in cold regions of the pacific to study effects on oceanic currents, shouldn't we be a bit more concerned with this latest stupid and costly excursion?

A Handyman's Guide To Fixing America.

A lot has been said in recent times about the dire situation we Americans find ourselves in today. Unemployment, war, recession, and unaccountable government and corporate spending...... These are just a few of the conundrums plaguing us. We've all heard the so-called experts opinions on how to resolve our problems, but not one of them has said a thing about the quickest way to achieve it. GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!! We need to gut our government!

You heard correct. Our government is at the very heart of the problem and the only way to fix things is by restructuring it from the top down. We'll keep the Presidency, of course, but we really don't require two senators from each state so, we'll cut that number in half. Next, we'll cut the entire House Of Representatives. They are a redundant body and, as anyone who's ever tuned into C-SPAN can tell you, not worth a shaky shit to begin with. If you factor in their salaries as well as all the personal aides that would be canned along with them, not to mention those gigantic spending allowances they are entitled to every year, we will have saved ourselves millions of tax dollars every year.

I know it sounds good so far, but I'm not done yet. Next, we take our shears to State government. The governor of each state will be directly responsible to their senator. Under the governor, each county will have a single representative who will have as their subordinate their county's commissioner who, in turn, will preside over the mayors of all the towns therein.

Now, let's talk about accountability. Do you know why the prices of prescription drugs, gas, and health insurance are so high? In a word: Lobbyists. These are people who bribe politicians to vote in favor of, or against, legislation pertaining to their industries. I propose outlawing lobbying and sequestering politicians for the duration of their terms in office. Also, I propose the cessation of social get-togethers for politicians at the public's expense. Furthermore, any legislation concerning health care should be put on a ballet for the people to vote on. The last thing we need is for a bunch of corrupt politicians in the debt of special interest groups deciding the issue.

Need more spending cuts? How about this? We close all our foreign embassies and remove all of our troops from foreign duty. Our armed forces are there to protect America, not some corporation's assets. We can do the world a favor and annex Mexico, instead. Do you really think we'd have an immigration problem if Mexicans were able to make a decent wage in their homeland? Just think about how secure our border would be if we owned everything between Canada and the Panama Canal. True, that means taking over Central America, too, but it would only improve their lives as well. Of course, that means the CIA would have to look elsewhere to fund their dirty ops when their drug trade dried up. That's okay, we can live with that.

There's another sector in which we can start producing major savings, too. The prison system is over-crowded and very expensive. I say put them to work. Any crime carrying a sentence of ten years or less....let's call it one year at hard labor. Serious crimes? Take them behind the courthouse and put a bullet in their head. Simple and cost-effective. Of course, it will mean revamping the legal system. I, for one, think judges should go to school to be judges and NOT fraternize with attorneys ever. Let's make that a crime, shall we? Also, we the people of this great country should get together and vote on appropriate salaries for all public officials based on the physical and mental demands of the job first and foremost. That means police officers, fire fighters, and teachers get considerable raises, while office workers and attorneys take a pay cut. Simply put, you sit on your asses all day doing very little for the amount of money you are paid.

Sadly, these humble opinions will fall on deaf ears for the most part. Americans are just too lazy to do anything about it. We have been happy to let a few predatory and unscrupulous people lead us down a path to ruin all in the name of the almighty Dollar. Well, we better get up and start exercising.....our rights that is.....before we wake up one day and realize we no longer have them. Think about that for awhile.

Politcal Involvement Causes Unwinnable Wars

From the days of the Roman Empire to modern times, military leaders have known what it takes to win wars. Those same leaders also know what can quickly turn a victory into a quagmire: Politicians. Over the weekend, I tuned into so many television shows talking about the unwinnable war in Afghanistan, it made me physically sick. The latest debacle to cause the politicians to wring their hands and extol portents of doom involved a NATO air strike that hit two tanker trucks in the north of that rocky turd of a flea-bitten country. Everyone from the President on down, military commanders included, were crying about innocent civilian casualties in the incident. Innocent. Right. GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!!!

Let me set you straight on this deal. First of all, the two tankers that were destroyed were stolen fuel trucks. STOLEN! German troops called in the strike after locating the vehicles and American planes quickly took them out. The so-called 'innocent civilians' injured and blown into a billion little pieces were out there trying to steal some of that stolen fuel when everything went "BOOM". When the hell are the people of the world going to wisen up to the fact that there ARE no innocent people in Afghanistan? Do you know what grows in Afghanistan besides rocks? Opium Poppies are the cash crop of that impoverished nation. A lot of poor people are forced to tend to the fields to keep their corrupt government fat and happy. Look who's running the show! The same people who fought against the U.S. in 2001 are the people running the country! Do you think they care about their people? Hell no! Those people scrape a living by any means possible, that includes stealing whatever they can get their hands on. This time, they paid a hefty price. Now, however, their corrupt leader smell a windfall opportunity and they are milking the hell out of it.

Washington is losing this war for our military by bowing down to these ragamuffin turds every time one of them gets in the line of fire. Hell, three quarters of them tell the Taliban when soldiers are coming their way. There is only one way to achieve an objective victory in the region and that is to get the politicians noses out of the military's ass. Vietnam was a fiasco thanks to Congress....now, so is Afghanistan. They whine about costs? Hell, they never should have committed ground troops there in the first place. Old Uncle Fido knows the best way to win against an entrenched force is to bomb those sorry bastards every time they dare to stick their heads out of their caves. After awhile, they either starve to death, surrender, or worse still, get turned on by their own people and torn to pieces so the bombing will stop. Another thing I can't help noticing.....why are they not destroying all those poppy fields? Surely they know the Taliban gets funding from a vigorous drug trade, don't they? Hmmmmm......me thinks me smells a rat, here.

So, there's your solution, Washington. Pull out the ground troops, blow up EVERYTHING drug related, any buildings that look new or expensive.....that's where all the corrupt officials will be found, and end the insignificant existence of the Taliban within a year's time. Let the poor people of Afghanistan choose a future for themselves by blowing up the assholes who've held them down for so long. Who knows? Maybe they'll do a better job than our politicians seem to be doing. As for world opinion about constantly bombing the Taliban... If the world doesn't like it, tell them to kiss our red, white, and blue asses. We still carry the big stick, last time I checked.

Man With Assault Weapon Attends Obama Protest

Today, I read about an Arizona man attending a protest at an event attended by President Obama. The headlines described the event as a 'disturbing trend' and that it had a 'chilling effect' on the crowd. Really? GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!!

Man up, you liberal pussies! Those big, scary guns you're so afraid of keep your sorry asses safe and free. Do you think the U. S. would still be here, in it's present form, if not for the fact that our citizenry has, and exercises the right to keep and bear arms? I'll answer that for you..... NO!!!!! Why don't you lilly-livered cowards grow a pair and realize America is much safer with those weapons than without them? Every nation that has ever stripped it's citizens of the right to own weapons has had an agenda. Hitler took weapons from Germany's citizens and gave us the Holocaust as a result. The same thing is happening all over Africa right now. I guess what I really want to ask you is: Do YOU want someone to kick in your door in the dead of the night because they are positive you don't have any way to protect yourself? Sure, you can dial 911, but if an officer isn't close by, chances are your pompous ass won't be alive by the time they arrive.

Some of you say Great Britain and Australia have gun control laws and they're safe. Do you know why? They are our cousins. If anyone messes with them, they have to deal with us, too. Nobody wants to mess with us, not even China. Why? We all have guns! At least, that's what the rest of the world thinks. I, for one, am happy they do.

I've heard all kinds of arguments for gun control and, though I do think gun owners should use reasonable precautions to keep their weapons out of the hands of kids and crazy ex-wives, I also believe those same gun owners are the foundation of the reason we aren't all speaking Spanish right now. You heard me, if the guns go away, the Mexicans will invade, and they'll have thirty-four million allies already here and hoarding weapons to open the way for them....not including the guestimated fourteen million more illegals currently residing here. I do a lot of traveling around the U. S. and one of the most 'disturbing trends' I've seen is the fact that a lot of illegal immigrants live very close to U. S. military installations....not one or two bases, but ALL of them. Do YOU think that's a coincidence? Do you think they breed like rabbits because they have nothing better to do? Let me clue you in on a little secret. Mexico is pissed at the U. S. for stealing two-thirds of it's territory and they want it back with interest. Given the current rate of their expansion (i. e.-breeding) they will take over anyway within thirty years without having to fire a shot. I, for one, would like to enjoy those thirty years instead of being forced to fight off an invasion brought on by goofy little chicken turds like you, Mr. and Mrs. Liberal Gun Hater. So, unless you want to start habla-ing espanol.... Sit down and shut the hell up.

NFL Draft Fiasco

So.....you're a really talented collegiate athlete and the NFL selects you to participate in it's draft: Should you be happy and grateful to be part of a group of individuals who get payed to play a game for a living? Not if you happen to be Michael 'Da Bitch' Crabtree. Poor little Michael thinks he was cheated in the draft because Al Davis decided to choose someone else for the Raiders, leaving him to be snagged by the Niners instead. What is the problem, you ask? Money, of course. .........Big pause for dramatic effect............GIMME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!

Michael, man up bitch. You should be bending your ungrateful ass over backwards to thank San Francisco for choosing you. Who cares about your initial salary, other than your greedy punk ass, I mean. If you didn't have the talent you have, you sure as hell wouldn't be getting millions to do anything else. In fact, thank your higher power for granting you that talent and being spared a life of mediocrity, flipping burgers and living a drearier existence. Rejoice in the fact you are among the chosen few to NOT have to worry about this damned recession! I'm sure this will be falling on deaf ears as far as your childish ass is concerned so I'll be addressing the remainder of my rant to the people who make the NFL possible.

Gentlemen, and ladies, why the hell are you paying any of these spoiled little prima donnas a dime over $100,000 a year for their first four years? Set a salary cap on rookies to weed out the ungrateful punks from the true players; The T.O.'s from the Ngyuen's if you will. You don't need all the drama and hassle these assholes bring to the game anymore than the fans do. Instead of paying players outrageous salaries, set up a pension fund instead, so players don't end up broke and penniless in their golden years. You can use all that extra money that will be lying around to renovate the host cities of the franchises and do some serious good for the charities you support.

Of course, GM's and execs shouldn't get giant salaries either. Tell you what, hire me as the NFL Commissioner and I'll fix the whole thing in one season....and I'll do it for $100,000. If you like what I've done at the end of the year.....you can keep me on for an additional $100K per year. I'll fix all the bugs and have everyone smiling. That's a promise.

The Endless Search For Work Of The Once Convicted

Okay. Given the nature of this blog, it probably won't come as a shock to many of you that I have a criminal record. I'm not a thief or drug dealer, but I do have a bit of a temper. In 2001, I hit my brother during a heated exchange and was arrested for assault. I got a year's probation and a small fine...Class A misdemeanor. In 2006, a guy in a car cut in front of the semi I was driving and slammed on his brakes. We bumped ever so slightly and the jerk sped off through a red light, but not before I got his license plate number. I called 911. It was the single biggest mistake of my life.

The guy was working an insurance scam. To make a long story less mundane and much, much shorter, I ended up getting arrested and subsequently charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. You can imagine my shock, after all, there was hardly a mark on the other guy's car. He did, however, have a lot of people show up and say they saw the whole thing that weren't there to begin with. I lost my job, was forced to take the public defender, and got royally screwed in court. I got five years deferred adjudicated probation on a Class B Felony. Welcome to Hell. It doesn't matter that the whole thing will come off my record in a little under three years....that's still three years from now. .......Gimme a freaking break already....please!

I've been out of work for close to a month now. Things are starting to get really grim. Every where I go, people are excited to talk to me right up to the point I mention the felony. I'm a big guy. I make Brock Lesnar look tiny. The second someone reads that garbage, they see me as some kind of monster. I imagine I go from looking like a giant, cuddly bear to a hockey mask wearing, chain saw toting madman pretty quick. It's very disheartening. More so, taken into account I have a decent head on my shoulders and an innate ability to pick up just about anything in just a few minutes. Quite literally, give me five minutes observing the operation of a machine or vehicle and I can operate it. Couple that with a strong electro-mechanical apptitude and I prove my worth rather handily. Did I mention there isn't a vehicle I cannot operate? Well, I suck at unicycling but, then again, I don't want to be a circus clown.

So, on I go, from rejection to rejection, not giving up, but close to losing heart. You can lose heart without losing hope. Hope is the worn, tattered rope to which fools cling tightest. When you go from making nearly eighty thousand dollars a year to being not employable by Kentucky Fried Chicken....life pretty much sucks. Oh well...there's always hope.

Just Wanted To Say Hello.....

GIMME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!! Nothing's tweaked my titties in a while, okay? Sheesh!

As A Matter Of Fact: I Did Flunk Sensitivity Training!

Call me mean spirited if you must, but I have not kept up on the goings on in the life, and death, of Michael Jackson. In fact, I'm a little ticked off about his crap polluting the internet and TV. Well, I was until I was flipping through the channels and I got my first look at his kids. HIS kids? Yup. Here it comes......GIMME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!

Earth to, well....the Earth! Unless Michael Jackson injected some Clorox into his testicles....those aren't his kids. They are WHITE, and I don't mean Obama white, either, but 100% Grade A honky. I don't care how often he soaked in bleach and peroxide, his DNA should have made little partial chocolate bundles of joy. Wait! This just in.....

He never slept with the woman he was married to? Well, that certainly makes sense from his perspective. He WAS into little boys. Yeah, yeah...you can say he wasn't convicted all you want, but the jerk payed serious blood money to the victims' families to keep it out of court. Personally, I wouldn't let my kids hang around with a man that chummed about with a monkey while turning himself white. The man was just plain freaky. Just goes to show you some people are so greedy they'd sell their own children's souls to make a quick buck or two. THEY are the one's who should be put on trial. Everything about the guy screamed child molester, for Christ's sake! Would you let your kids go camping with Robert Blake? No? Then why would you trust them with someone who makes HIM look normal by comparison?

I'm not here to put down on his talent; He had loads of that. I just think he's getting his ass kicked all over hell by Elvis right now for everything else, aside from Lisa Marie even. The man transformed himself from a well respected black man into a cartoon caricature of a white meth- addicted hippie. Eccentric is too tame a word for what he became. Loon is more appropriate where Mr. Jackson is concerned. I just feel sorry for those poor kids. They will grow up with real identity crisis issues if left in the care of that particular family. They should be remanded to their biological parent. That won't happen, of course. You know what they say...money talks and justice walks.

President Ahmadinejad's Blog Address

Here is Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's blog addy. www.ahmadinejad.ir/ Use it to express your opinion of the despicable acts he and his evil clerics have unleashed upon the Iranian people or, as I just did, challenge them eloquently to a smack down. The people of the world have born witness to their great evil. Perhaps, if enough people write to him, he will renounce his evil ways. One can only hope. ..........I still want to kick his evil Ray Stevens' Clone's ass, though!

American Challenges Iranian Leadership To Put Their Money Where Their Mouth Is

For several days, we've been hearing all sorts of bluster from Tehran about how they are going to kick our collective asses. I know, we should be inured to it by now, but after recent events, especially those involving the murders of Iranian protesters, I have only this to say: GIMME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!

Hey, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, shut the hell up. You are only embarrassing yourself. You're a joke, just like your Supreme Leader and your Guardian Council. Do you really think you can defeat America in combat? Are you THAT delusional? I certainly hope so. You see, I have a proposition for you. I want to challenge the whole lot of you to personal combat, hand-to-hand; You, Ali Khameini, and any of the other Ayatollahs who back what you've been saying-against me.

I know, I know...it hardly seems fair. After all, you're nothing but a bunch of cowardly bureaucrats and clergymen hiding behind a group of psychopathic, evil soldiers who attack unarmed women from their own country and I'm just one man, out of shape, crippled, but American. Yeah, that's right, you don't stand a chance. However, just to make it a bit more even, I'll take the whole bunch of you on at once. Does that sound more to your liking?

Now, a bout like this has to be televised, naturally, so you'll need to relax the ban on foreign journalism. I wouldn't dream of asking you cowards to leave your homeland....you'd all be dead the second you did after what you've done lately. I can come to you. All we need to do is set the ground rules and wager. Okay, first, this will be a no-holds-barred fight so you'd all better wear your jockey straps as I have a feeling I won't be able to resist kicking you in the sack a few million times each. Since this is to be televised....there is to be no attempt at pantsing the opponent or use of objectionable language on your part. I'm American, I'll be doing plenty of that for both of us. The fight ends only when one side or the other capitulates or is unable to continue. I promise, I won't try to kill any of you. I want your supporters to see you for the dogs you are.

Since we're putting ourselves in harm's way, there needs to be an big payoff for both sides. If you win, I will become your personal slave, or you can have me executed....whatever. If I win, however, you must all immediately leave Iran and never return, taking nothing with you but your clothing and shame, leaving the Iranian people to decide how best to govern their future as a free and democratic republic. Your erstwhile opponent in the election can stand in as acting president until a new government is set in place.

So, Mr. Ahmadinejad, what do you say? Is it 'ON'? Will you and the rest of the Evil Infidel's Club For Losers come out and face me, or will you prove, once and for all, to the world just how cowardly you really are? My money's on the latter.

Iran's Supreme Leader And Other Unholy Infidels The World Over

Since 1979, Iranians have languished under the iron-fisted rule of self appointed holy men known as Ayatollahs. Khomeini, a true asshole in his own right, started a secular/political hierarchy that has lead to some of the most evil acts perpetrated upon a people the world has seen since the Holocaust. ( The Ayatollahs don't believe the Holocaust even happened, by the way.) His corpse was torn to pieces during his funeral. I guess he wasn't as popular as he thought.

Today, Iran suffers under the yoke of Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, along with his self appointed Guardian Council-made up of equally insane, evil, power-hungry Islamic Clerics, and the ever unpopular, election stealing President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. These men are all infidels, according to their own belief system. Islam doesn't preach greed, evil, and oppression, at least, not the Islam I've been told about. Muslims around the world are ashamed these men attempt to identify with their religion. No, these are not holy men, but unholy beasts who deserve to have their own evil tactics turned upon themselves. We are bearing witness to their depravities daily, and yet, our government hasn't made an overture to lend support to the Iranian people. GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!

The world has tolerated the existence of such foul men for far too long. No religion should be allowed to become the excuse for the evils that men do. Let these men meet a sticky end, seeing them either beheaded, or swinging from the gallows like those they've executed. Give the Iranian people hope for a future free of tyranny.

I'm sure my request for action is falling on deaf ears in Washington. After all, we're embroiled in two wars that we really shouldn't have gotten into in the first place, with the threat of yet another war erupting in Korea. Why should they be quick to come to the aid of anyone else? Therefore, I call upon the free people of the planet Earth to rise up and take action to end the tyranny not only in Iran, but all nations. I call upon the people to stop the genocide in the Sudan. I call upon the people to stop the warlords in Somalia and elsewhere in Africa, driving their children into death squads and piracy. I call upon the people to stop the oppression of women in Saudi Arabia and other Arab nations. I call for peace in Myanmar, Korea, Tibet, and elsewhere where people are being subjected to unfair rule by cowards wielding savagery and military force as political tools. Finally, I call upon the world to unite in the spirit of democracy, that every man, woman, and child may know freedom and peace in our lifetime. If governments must be razed to accomplish this, then so be it. We can no longer afford to be the indentured servants of greedy, corrupt governments. The entire world is languishing. I only wish to see the world become a better place for all the generations to come; A world where equality is commonplace and tolerance the watchword of the day. Unfortunately, our governments cow-tow to vile, money-hungry corporations and self-appointed madmen. I doubt my wish will come true.

The Clown Prince Of Pop Cashes In His Chips.

This morning, an icon of my childhood lost her battle with cancer and died. Farrah, dear lady, you shall be fondly remembered. Not to be outdone, Michael Jackson, the self proclaimed King of Pop died later this afternoon. I was fascinated by the press releases. Here we had two stars, dying well before their time. Farrah, who struggled bravely against a disease that was slowly consuming her, had, in her own way, given courage to many who face the same fate with her undying determination and ever present optimism. Jackson, by contrast, had become infamous, and the butt of more than a few jokes. So, when I read a lot of blogs comparing the defunct Clown Prince Of Pop to the late Elvis Presley, I had only one thing to say...... GIMME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!

Are you NUTS? Jackson compared to Elvis? The ONLY thing they had in common was Lisa Marie. Yes, Michael Jackson was a great showman. His albums were pure platinum...his concerts, the stuff of legends. But then there was the off stage Michael. You know the one I'm talking about... The guy who hung out with a chimp.... The guy who bought the Elephant Man.... The guy who swung babies from balconies.... Mr. Germaphobe, hiding behind his mask.... The guy Pepsi set on fire.... Yeah, THAT guy.

Ask yourself this, those of you old enough to remember: Where were you when you heard Elvis died? Do you remember the confusion, the chaos....the women totally freaking out to the point of nervous breakdown? It was like Hell on Earth that day. I was swinging on the swing set in our back yard, it was sunny and breezy, birds were singing...off in the distance a dog was yapping non-stop..... Then the announcement came over the radio. Elvis had died. A moment later, it was as if Armageddon had come. Screams of purest grief came from just about every house in my neighborhood. It gave me chills. Women came pouring out into the backyards, converging on my house. They were still screaming their heads off as if their insides were on fire. Other women, who had obviously missed the announcement came running, too. As soon as someone calmed down enough to tell them the news, they screamed, too.

Of course, all the hysteria wasn't lost on the children. We were all caught up in the moment, watching our mothers cry, scream, tear handfuls of hair from their own heads, and some, going so far as to claw their faces to the point they were bleeding. They were having one giant, communal nervous breakdown and so were we. Later, when the dads got home and calmed our moms down with whatever passed for tranquilizers.....Valium, I think, with a Gin chaser....they gathered, as men do, in the timed honored tradition of manly men everywhere, around the biggest barbeque grill in the neighborhood and drank beer while discussing the situation in hushed and reverent tones. Many a kid got his first taste of beer that day and, I tell you, we needed it. The King was dead.

Flash forward to today. Where are the crazed women screaming and going totally bananas? Do you hear any little kids crying? Has a hush fallen over the world? No? Tell me, what HAVE you heard? Have you heard a lot of Michael Jackson jokes? I have. Why? Michael Jackson's been dead for years, to most of the planet...excluding maybe a few Middle-Eastern nations. His antics have been an ongoing embarrassment to America. No matter whether he was guilty, or not, of any wrong doing where children were concerned, the damage had been done. Michael Jackson had become infamous, just like O.J., Errol Flynn, Hitler, and George W. Bush.

There doesn't seem to be room for debate. had Michael Jackson died shortly after the release of Thriller, he would most certainly have gained godhood. People would have spoken of him in awe and not a soul would have endured the things others are saying about him this day. But he didn't die then; He died today and, now, he will mainly be remembered as the butt of a billion child molestation jokes. Department stores beware.....

Oh EA Of Little Faith!

I just read about a bunch of religious groups getting bent out of shape by a PR stunt pulled by EA Games to generate some buzz for their upcoming release Dante's Inferno. Apparently, Christians are appalled by a mock Christian protest demanding no one buy the game. Really? Christian people, do you really want to go there? GIMME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!

First of all, where the HELL do you get off being offended in the first place? I mean, after all, you're the same nuts that gave us the freaking Inquisition, murdered all the NATIVE inhabitants of a lot of different places, America included, spreading your poisoned gospel of intolerance and fear, sent all the poor folks to fight your holy wars again...and again....and again....to in-freakin-infinity, gave us Adolf Hitler and the Holocaust, and elected that closet serial killer George W. Bush to office. (I'm talking of the governorship of Texas, not the White House...he pulled an Ahmadinejad there.....twice.) So, I'd really like to know where you assholes get the stones to bitch about some game?

You know what? It really doesn't matter. You've been full of crap since before your ancestors ripped off Greek Mythology like Whitey stole Rock-n-Roll to create yourselves a 'new' religion. Want to know the truth? Darwin was right! People have been around a lot longer than you bible thumping idiots believe. A distant relative of modern man was around while Pangea was still whole. Need proof? Look to Australia. The Aborigines are living proof we evolved from apes. I mean, as a people, they look like the bastard child of some swinging ape and Jim Morrison, for crying out loud. What's really odd is I can take pictures of all the people on Earth and prove evolution with one irregularity....white people. It's true. We white folk are freaks of freaking nature. Only Whitey has a myriad of hair and eye colors. All other races have dark hair and dark eyes.....at least, until Thomas Jefferson comes to your part of town, if you know what I mean!

What does this all mean to you as a Christian? Simple. You're wrong. You're wrong about just about every damned thing you spew from your pious faces. Not feeling very holier-than-thou now, are you? So, after you get done having your little bullshit temper tantrum, get up, get out there, and get yourself a life. Quit harping about what other people are doing and mind your own damned business.

I know you can't help being stupid, your preachers make you that way....they get you while your young and naive and hope you never learn to think for yourself because, once you do, you see how absurd religion really is. The bible doesn't make a bit of sense. It really doesn't. Do you really think magic once existed in this world and was suddenly stripped away? Or, even crazier still, that someone taking the ass-whooping of the millenium washed away sin from the world? If so...why are we still fighting wars and seeing people die on a daily basis for no good reason? If your god is as powerful and loving as you say, why does he tolerate the condition of the world? I'd be plenty pissed at all of you if it was me. I've told god to go do himself more times than I can remember and, you know what? Other than a fervent few religious nuts that jump back in horror waiting for the lightning bolt to get me....uh, that was Zeus who chucked lightning, by the way, not Jehovah....not a damned thing happened.

I hope you don't come to my home to protest me. I am not as evolved as some of you think you are and I might throw poo at you just like an ape. Seriously. Stay the hell off my lawn.

Iranian Revolution: The Second Coming

If you've bothered turning on the news this past week, you already know there is unrest in Iran. It's people, fed up with corruption in the government, have taken to the streets in open protest, in defiance of threats of violence and uniting in the cause of liberty. Doesn't it make you ashamed the people of Iran have more heart than we do here in America? GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!

Seriously. As far as I know, this is Ahmadinejad's first attempt to steal an election. The question is, where did that little furry-faced, big-nosed, America-hating asshole learn such vile behavior? I think he picked it up on CNN, watching George W. Bush steal not one, but two elections, and getting away with it both times. Americans haven't had a say in mainstream politics for ages. Popular vote doesn't mean dick, and it hasn't for quite some time. It was only a matter of time before some power-crazed psycho from a third world nation tried some western style politics on for size. Problem is, unlike the cowed masses that are the American people, the Iranians actually have a little honor left and a sincere sense of fair play. Ask anyone from the Middle East, or in this case, Persia, what it is about Americans they dislike the most and they'll tell you this: They are so dishonest.

Don't forget, CNN is televised all over the globe and the headlines are full of stories about dishonesty ranging from people cheating on taxes-or their spouses...to high-level government officials with money in their freezers and the like. It's no wonder the world is dubious about us. Furthermore, after seeing us bend over again and again so the government can screw us one more time, they've lost all respect for us. Our credibility is in the toilet.

Oh, I'm sure there's more than a redneck or two who, upon reading this, will say; "Who cares? They're a bunch of ragheads!" or something similarly colorful. The problem is, it isn't just Iranians, but the entire world, even Canadians, that are saying it. Again....I'm hearing phantom choruses of "who cares?" Think of it in this way: Remember that obnoxious asshole in high school that bullied everybody and always thought they were so cool, but really weren't? Remember seeing that idiot at your twentieth class reunion and thinking what a joke that loser was? Well, America is seen as that bully.

How have we, as a people, become so complacent that we allow our government to lie, cheat, and steal from us without taking to the streets like those people in Iran? If they won't put up with it, why do we? Our government is helping big corporations and their CEO's steal billions of our dollars. Where are the protests? Quick, somebody throw a shoe at Obama! No, wait. Let's get the rednecks pissed by telling them those companies are stealing from their momma's. It's the truth, after all. We need our own revolution right here in America. I say down with corporate greed and their capitol hill counter-parts! Whatever happened to government for the people, of the people, by the people? In America, it's been replaced with government of the poor, for the rich, by the rich.......And still, we take it.

Goodbye Freedom, I'll Blow You A Farewell Kiss

Somebody save me! I fell asleep in America last night and woke up in a totalitarian state where you can't blow a kiss to your mother at graduation. It's the latest in a long series of idiotic state sanctioned censors that has my blood boiling. Oddly enough, our ancestors founded this great nation to escape this kind of bullshit. Well, boys and girls, the gloves are coming off for this one.
GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!

This is what happens when certain assholes decide to ignore the separation of church and state and try to impose their ironclad morality on the rest of us while their constituents busily gobble cock in airport bathrooms. Grow up already, you holier-than-thou hypocrites! You're no better than the rest of us; worse, for the most part, in fact. It pisses me off to no end when a part time Christian tries to tell me how I should live on Sunday afternoon, after their wife tried to blow me in a bar the night before with him standing there watching. What gives you the right to be such over-bearing assholes?

You know what? I think old Jesus is rolling over in his grave right now, wondering how his message could have been so thoroughly butchered by you idiots. Oh, that's right...it's left up to interpretation, isn't it? That's why there are so many different churches out there...none of you morons can agree on a single damned thing. Funny, though. This is exactly how Hitler came to power. Point out the flaws of everyone but you....spread lies to instill fear....and the people will line up and beg you to take their freedoms away. Now, a boy can't even acknowledge his thanks for the woman who toiled to bring him to the most significant event of his life with a simple blown kiss. Goodbye diploma...hello fascism.

I'm sure some of you are wondering what I'm on about. How can I equate what happened to that boy with the rise of the Third Reich? Why not? The government and state-run establishments have begun to strip us of our rights on a regular basis. Instead of dealing with troubled kids, the schools expel them for ridiculous things. Saying the words "Going Postal" will get a postal employee fired and a customer thrown out of the post office. Oh, and don't even think of complimenting a co-worker when they dress up for work....SEXUAL HARRASSMENT! Everyone gets offended over stupid crap, even jokes, and lawsuits are running rampant. When hate and fear are the words of the day, governments such as ours are at their happiest. Want to know a secret? Our so called "Democracy" is a thinly painted veneer to cover the truth of what America has become: A corporate sponsored international bully that does not work for the betterment of it's people. In truth, the government is terrified of you. They are afraid Americans will wake up one day and say "I've had all the bullshit I'm going to take from the likes of you!" and then...Viva La Revolution!

Ask yourself this. How free are you? Can you go wherever you want whenever you want? Hold on before you answer that. Can you go onto a government facility and demand to see how they are spending your tax dollars? Can you just drive into, say, Canada or Mexico without having to obtain permission? How about Cuba? No? Then I guess you're not as free as you thought, are you? Are you satisfied with how the government maintains public facilities and roadways? Have you ever been treated rudely by a public official or police officer? Food for thought. Do you think you can just walk into your congress person's office and say you need to talk to them and not be subjected to a load of bullshit if you're not a billionaire? ( Remember George W. Bush's speach? "Some people call you the upper crust, the elite of society, I call you my constiuents.) If you aren't part of the invisible aristocracy, you have very few rights. Remember this, rich people get acquited, poor people go to jail. Ask O.J., he'll set you straight.

Just to prove how absurd America's become, consider this. You can purchase a car, boat, or motorcycle without having a driver's license, but can you drive it without getting into serious trouble? Do you think our fore fathers had to be licensed to drive a team of horses and a wagon or carriage? Hell no, they didn't. They didn't have a government telling them they had to get permission to purchase and own firearms, either. On the negative side, women had no say in their lives at all and black folks were just plain screwed...
quite literally if they lived with Thomas Jefferson.

Regardless of the time, the government has begun to systematically strip us of our rights and deny our children a decent education, all in the name of the all mighty dollar....which, coincidentally, seems to be the one true god worshiped by most of America these days if these billion dollar churches are any indication. Poor people don't have a leg to stand on anymore. If a rich person wants to build a road where your house is to shave ten minutes off his morning commute, you better get ready to pack. We don't own a damn thing, not even our own bodies. You can buy a piece of land, but the government tells you what you can do with it. Same with your cars, your kids, your entire way of life. Inmy humble opinion, when something gets this broken, all you can do is tear it all down and start from scratch. Let's start with a little tolerance. Don't deny kids their diploma for something as innocent as a blown kiss, okay?

Making Fairy Tales out of....well....Fairy Tales!

Okay....so, first off, I'm not your typical, constant blogger. Sue me if I have better things to do than rant about stuff on a day to day basis. That said, would someone kindly tell me why Hollywood insists on ruining every freaking comic book I've ever been remotely fond of? Yeah, that's right. I likes to get my geek on!

Just when I thought there was hope for Hollywood...having finally adopted the Smallville mold to produce enjoyable super hero flicks....they start butchering properties like X-men and Spider-man by going WAY off the reservation.....I'm talking Richard Donner style! In less than a couple hours, they trashed twenty-five years of X-men comics, intertwining story lines and characters that shouldn't have yet met. Then they took the arguably most bad-ass Spider-man villain of all time, Venom, and make a complete mockery of him. Those Bastards!

As if Hollywood weren't already gay enough, they have to trash comics, too? Yeah, you know it.... GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!! I just saw X-men Origins: Wolverine, a good film in it's own right for the unitiated. The problem is.....I AM initiated! (spoiler alert! spoiler alert! If you haven't seen the movie yet, and think you might want to...turn away now!) Creed and Logan...BROTHERS? Deadpool loaded with multiple powers? Dude! WTF? Lay off my cheetos! Where the hell is Avi Arad while Hollywood is raping Marvel's Ass-ets? Stan 'the Man' should jump up and drop kick his goofy, greedy ass all over Manhattan. Look what they did to Ghost Rider! Forget THAT! Look what they did...with Ang "Brokeback Mountain" Lee's help...to Hulk! I'm almost afraid to see what they did to the Iron Man sequel...Terrence Howard should have been Rhodey!

I know it may come as a shock to some of you, but I write books, too. I have to say, after seeing the way Hollywood has treated all these comics...and Star Trek! Ohhhhh...don't freaking get me started on Star Trek!, I really have doubts about letting them make celluloid versions of my intellectual properties. It would take a hell of a lot of money...and an iron-clad contract FORBIDDING artistic license...to get me to release rights for it. Ever hear someone say "Oh, the book was WAY better than the movie!"? Well....now you know why.

Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Duh!

Every time I turn my television to a news network these days, I keep hearing about pirates. The pirates attacked a cruise liner. The pirates captured a cargo ship. The pirates took a hostage. Navy SEALs just blew three pirates' heads off. (Cudos on that last one, by the way, gentlemen...nice shooting.) Pirates! Pirates, pirates, pirates! These goofy bastards are everywhere! They have been responsible for thousands, THOUSANDS, of attacks within the last decade, stealing hundreds of ships and small craft, kidnapping thousands of people, and taking a multi-billion dollar bite out of the world economy. What's America's response to this? Diplomacy. .....................wait for it............
GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!

HELLO! PIRATES!!!!! These clowns don't care about stern words and sanctions against their native countries. They're set. They have money, they have weapons, and they have a damned if I die attitude. Newsflash, Mrs. Clinton: (I can't believe I voted for you!) The only way to deal with pirates is to blast them out of the water. King James III of England went through the same thing
back in the early 1700's. He tried diplomacy. He offered pardons to every pirate. It only emboldened them. Later, he instituted a policy to run them down and kill them all. It was a VERY effective campaign. You want to end piracy, here's how to do it. Kill 'em all! (Thank you Metallica!)

But, you say, our economy can't take another costly Naval deployment! There's a solution to that problem. Privateers. Share the burden equally amongst nations with maritime interests. Get a couple cargo ships out of moth balls and fit them with heavy caliber weaponry which can be hidden until the pirates are too close to flee and butcher those bungholes! Give them a fast boat with armor that can withstand RPG's and 50 cal. fire to run down, and run over, the pirate speed boats. Build my Sea Snake missile, the aquatic version of the Stinger, to take out approaching pirate vessels. DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN SITTING ON YOUR BIG FAT ASSES, PLEASE!

Not only can you defeat these modern day Blackbeards, you can creatye jobs, too. Shipping Security, weapons developers, psychotic saiors....it's win- win-win! Man, I'm feeling patriotic all of a sudden! USA! USA! USA! (Thanks for that rousing slogan Hacksaw Jim Duggan.) How's THAT for fiscal responsibility? YAR!

Welcome To The Jungle

Do you know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby. You're gonna die! Yes. G-n-R got it right. Only, the concrete jungle they refer to is a lot tougher place than they make it out to be in that awesome song, especially if you are an ex-felon looking for work. Unemployment is high in our great nation for one glaring reason...people's reluctance to higher ex-cons-those who have made poor choices in their pasts and, for the most part are very sorry for their past deeds and looking for the opportunity to make a fresh start. What resources do they have? Hardly any.

I've experienced the hopelessness and frustration of this phenomenon first hand, having plead guilty to an aggravated assault with a deadly weapon charge a couple years back. What did I do?
I bumped a car with a semi-truck that cut me off and slammed on it's brakes, because I couldn't stop quickly enough to prevent the collision. The other driver sped away, through a red light no less, and disappeared. I called 911 and reported the accident, giving the dispatcher the license plate number and description of the car. An hour later, the police arrived, with said individual ( and several carloads of people who swore they "saw the whole thing" ) and I ended up being arrested. Long story short, I couldn't afford an attorney and got rail-roaded in court.

Two years later, I'm still on probation....deferred adjudicated, three years to go, and unemployed. I have been turned down for job openings three times in as many days, with no reason given, but I know the truth. It's a sad truth about America. No one trusts anyone else anymore, especially if they perceive you as a "bad guy". Humph!.......GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!

What do you think our last President was? Answer? A criminal. Not just a criminal, but a drug addict, too. What the hell does that say about how hypocritical Americans can be? We won't lift a finger to help someone make a new start and be a contributing member of society, but we will elect a C average goof to the highest office in the land so he can get his fix of death and destruction on a global scale? Shame on us....ALL of us.