Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Duh!

Every time I turn my television to a news network these days, I keep hearing about pirates. The pirates attacked a cruise liner. The pirates captured a cargo ship. The pirates took a hostage. Navy SEALs just blew three pirates' heads off. (Cudos on that last one, by the way, gentlemen...nice shooting.) Pirates! Pirates, pirates, pirates! These goofy bastards are everywhere! They have been responsible for thousands, THOUSANDS, of attacks within the last decade, stealing hundreds of ships and small craft, kidnapping thousands of people, and taking a multi-billion dollar bite out of the world economy. What's America's response to this? Diplomacy. .....................wait for it............
GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!!

HELLO! PIRATES!!!!! These clowns don't care about stern words and sanctions against their native countries. They're set. They have money, they have weapons, and they have a damned if I die attitude. Newsflash, Mrs. Clinton: (I can't believe I voted for you!) The only way to deal with pirates is to blast them out of the water. King James III of England went through the same thing
back in the early 1700's. He tried diplomacy. He offered pardons to every pirate. It only emboldened them. Later, he instituted a policy to run them down and kill them all. It was a VERY effective campaign. You want to end piracy, here's how to do it. Kill 'em all! (Thank you Metallica!)

But, you say, our economy can't take another costly Naval deployment! There's a solution to that problem. Privateers. Share the burden equally amongst nations with maritime interests. Get a couple cargo ships out of moth balls and fit them with heavy caliber weaponry which can be hidden until the pirates are too close to flee and butcher those bungholes! Give them a fast boat with armor that can withstand RPG's and 50 cal. fire to run down, and run over, the pirate speed boats. Build my Sea Snake missile, the aquatic version of the Stinger, to take out approaching pirate vessels. DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN SITTING ON YOUR BIG FAT ASSES, PLEASE!

Not only can you defeat these modern day Blackbeards, you can creatye jobs, too. Shipping Security, weapons developers, psychotic saiors....it's win- win-win! Man, I'm feeling patriotic all of a sudden! USA! USA! USA! (Thanks for that rousing slogan Hacksaw Jim Duggan.) How's THAT for fiscal responsibility? YAR!