The Truth Behind Global Warming At Long Last

.....Don't blame me, it was the dog! Yeah, I'm guilty of passing the buck onto a scapegoat pooch when I fart in the company of hot young women. Who hasn't? Now, however, a few scientists are saying our pets are the real carbon violators behind global warming by stating a medium sized dog has a carbon footprint twice that of an SUV. Holy shit! They claim it takes over two acres of land to produce the average diet of such a dog. On average, these shit machines consume 360 pounds of meat and 209 pounds of cereal per year. Now I'm starting to fear for my own existence, because I shovel down a helluva lot more than that AND I drive a car that doesn't get the greatest mileage in the world. ( Although, in my defense, I have invented a device that would allow an electric car to travel indefinitely without needing to recharge, but no one wants me to produce it. I wonder why?) As the global warming boogeyman turns it's ever accusing finger in my direction as a dog owner, I really only have one thing to say..... Go fuck yourself Al Gore! No...wait, I did want to say that, but what I really meant to say was....GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY!!!!!

The douche bags who are playing this blame game are jetting across the globe spewing jet fuel in all directions to get their message of doom to the masses when they could have just stayed home and sent a mass email instead. Why should we pay heed to what a bunch of asinine intellectuals in Copenhagen have to say when they continually blow resources on superfluous projects that continually wreak havoc on the world? Want to know what caused all the big El Nino trouble in the 90's? It was SDI space based laser weapons being used to conduct weather experiments by NOAA, NASA, and the rest of the U.S. government.

Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, Al Gore, the fat liar from Tennessee, used the odd weather patterns to launch his evil bid to make billions by coining the phrase Global Warming and making a movie to prove it. The only thing it proved is the Nobel committee is made up of really gullible idiots. Gore deserved his prize about as much as Obama did, which is not at all. All of this is merely a ruse to get an evil agenda passed onto the people of the Earth. They want a single world government and the ability to control people right down to how many children we can have. I say we start by chucking all of the climate cult doomsayers into a boat and setting them adrift. They are polluting the atmosphere will billions of cubic miles of bull shit...and we all know bull shit is full of green house gases.

I'm not saying we don't need to change a few things to make the world a better place. On the contrary, I wouldn't have spent countless hours developing green energy devices otherwise. I simply think we need to step back and take a look at the bigger picture. Who's profiting from the global warming scare? Al Gore and friends. They sell carbon credits to people who have guilty consciences over their so-called carbon foot prints. I started taking shits outside to show my displeasure with Mr. Gore's insane deception. Can you smell my green house gases Al? I baked those brownies just for you buddy. I am proof global warming is bull shit. I sent an email to the White House, home of lying-ass President Barack Obamamama about my invention and asking for help refining the technology. The response I got told me everything I needed to know about the government's commitment to improving the environment: Not Interested. It read something like this: Thank you for your recent email. At this time we are not interested in pursuing such technology, but we thank you for taking the time to write about your concerns. Translation? Fuck you very much, but the kickbacks we get from the oil industry make our efforts to help one such as you who could put them out of business overnight an effort to shoot ourselves in the foot and we damn sure don't want to do that! It's no wonder the world is so screwed up.

I am continuing my effort to produce my device on my own, but lacking the scientific equipment to test it's safe usage, I'm afraid to simply market it. I'm being honest about it when I say I intend to market it. Hell, why shouldn't I make a few bucks off global warming, too? At least my invention will actually help the environment. Can Al Gore honestly say the same?