Christmas Chaos

Ho-Ho-Ho-Dee-Freaking Phone! What the hell is wrong with everybody? People are D. E. A. D.,
freaking DEAD over SHOPPING! I remember the parents rumbling in the toy stores to get the cutest Cabbage Patch Kid; Those dimply-cheeked cherubs from the ninth pit of hell. Those things were really creepy, so much so, my DOG freaked out around them and destroyed them on sight. Still, if little Suzy wants a Cabbage Patch Kid...we's a gonna go get her one, even if we have to fight for it. I thought that insanity went out with the 80's, but I was wrong!

Seen the news lately? Black Friday shopping accounted for the loss of three lives. I know you don't want to disappoint your children, Mr. and Mrs. American Consumer, but GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK ALREADY! Your kids will get over it, or build the bossest collection of toys ever when they grow up, so don't sweat it. Here's a tip. Check out what's hot at the toy expo online in July and go ahead and buy them. You can hide them at that relative's house, you know the one...no kids, always walking around in their underwear....talking to themselves...yeah, that one. No one will ever think to look for those presents there! Come holiday season, you'll be relaxed and grinning like a possum eating dog doo-doo while you kick back and watch your family and friends going nuts trying to find what you bought six months ago. Better still, buy several of each...so you can sell them to annoying people for a premium. Ho-Ho-Ho-Dee-Har-Har! Happy Holidays!